I am 51 days and counting from my May 2nd departure date. I’ll get on a plane then and return to Bosnia after a six year hiatus here in the States. I was elated to set a firm departure date and buy my airline ticket several weeks ago. Since then, I have experienced a myriad of emotions. Someone asked me just this week how I was feeling at this point. The word that spontaneously came from my mouth was heavy-hearted. I am enthused and passionate about returning to live and minister indefinitely among the women of Bosnia and Eastern Europe, for sure. But, I am honestly and simultaneously experiencing a significant degree of sadness. Going there means separating from the life, the routine and the relationships dear and familiar to me in my world here. As I sit in that reality my heart is heavy. The healing journey of these past few years has bonded me deeper in relationships and a more solid sense of belonging than I have ever known. The healing journey has also taught me to connect to my heart and my emotions, to let myself feel and own them and to be real and authentic in the expression of them. Interestingly, recent days have been a bit quieter than I had anticipated at this stage in the departure countdown. I sense that Papa has orchestrated the quietness and restricted the busyness for a time so that I might genuinely connect with these emotions and the current state of my heart in order to walk through this transition real and alive rather than stoic and numb. ¬†That would have been the old Diana. The new Diana, who is now truly alive in His Spirit, knows that to deny the state of my heart at any given point on this journey, regardless of what it is, ¬†would be to dishonor myself, those that I love and will miss and my Father in Heaven, as well. So today, my heart is heavy…I’m okay with that and more deeply alive than I’ve ever been.

One Comment to “The state of my heart today…”

  1. Antonia says:

    Serious lover with this blog, quite a few your articles or blog posts have seriously helped me out. Awaiting news!

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